You can keep losing weight even when you feel totally unhinged.
In the past two days I experienced a major mood slump that threw me totally off-kilter. I simultaneously contemplated eating my previous words and re-joining Weight Watchers, eating three tubular tacos from Hula Hut at a time, reinventing my entire life, and what the bloody point of my existence on this earth is, if there is one. Unfortunately, this will happen to me periodically. It’s like stepping unexpectedly into a swampy pit, thrashing around violently, choking on the mud and detritus, gasping for breath, and then being unceremoniously tossed back up onto solid ground again covered in grime but still alive and kicking. You wipe your face off and cautiously peer around to see if any irreparable damage has been done while you were flailing.
I’m okay, things are okay, and so is my weight loss commitment. We made it out okay, if a little nauseous.
I think that if I do re-join Weight Watchers despite my previous declaration of reporting to no one but myself, it will be with a different motivation than usual. If I seek out weekly meetings again, I will be doing so not as an excuse to quit my current plan, “live it up” eating lots of junk for several days, and then “start fresh,” but rather to supplement my current plan with a new element.
Truth be told, although my weight is no one’s responsibility or business but my own, and although I have lots of amazing online support for my weight loss . . . sometimes I get a bit lonely doing this thing. Especially when I’m battling depressive dips in my mood. Lately it seems that, particularly at the office, weight loss can be a lonely road, simply because of the abundance of off-plan food that makes its way to the break room this time of year. Maybe regular face-to-face encounters with fellow weight-loss warriors would make me feel less isolated in my daily determination not to give up or give in to being less than I can be in this facet of my life.
I do not know. But I am admitting the possibility that I need people, the humanity of their inane comments alongside their more insightful and revealing moments.
I still have some mud on me from my time in the swamp, but I stayed on plan the whole time, and I managed not to do myself any real harm. I worked out during my lunch break today. My hair was still damp from a shower when I returned to work and my face was pink. I am not a perfectly groomed specimen of humanity. But I am trying to be a better me, one who doesn’t give up on herself.
7. November 2009 at 1:17 AM
You describe the swampy pit so wonderfully. The pit sucks, I’ve been there many times, in fact have been living there off and on for the past 6 months or so.
I know what you mean about needing to be around people who are going through the same struggles. This has helped me tremendously in the past. Right now I’m trying to do this thing on my own drawing from what I’ve learned from years of WW meetings. I do miss that interaction,and it never failed that I would learn something in every meeting.
Good luck in whatever you decide. Either way, you’re doing great. There’s always so much more we can learn!.
What I like about Sparkpeople is that it’s so real. I’ve read so many Sparkpages of people who admit to the struggle of breaking bad habits and living more healthy. Sometimes the success stories from WW are not quite as ‘real’ to me.
Take care!
Tina
7. November 2009 at 3:33 PM
Tina: I too love reading people’s SparkPages! People put it all out there: the good, the bad; the difficulties AND the inspiring moments. I am sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with the swamp off and on recently and I am sending lots of positive, encouraging vibes your way :).
7. November 2009 at 1:51 AM
I wish you could come to my WW meeting– it would be so great to have you.
7. November 2009 at 3:34 PM
Foodie, I am quite sure your meetings would be the absolute best of what WW has to offer—and if I’m ever at your way I will definitely want to check them out.
9. November 2009 at 4:06 PM
Hope the last traces of swamp-mud rinse off soon.
It seems to be a theme lately–so many people are struggling! Sounds like you’re turning things around though, which is great. Sending good wishes!
9. November 2009 at 4:09 PM
Crabby! Hi! Thank you for the kind words. It’s funny, this swamp situation, in the sense that my commitment to weight loss is still firm . . . I just don’t *feel* that good about it. I will stay the course regardless.
9. November 2009 at 8:50 PM
Yay! That’s how you know this is just part of your life. The swamp is just another piece of terrain you need to cross before getting to your destination – not something that should trap you forever. Sometimes the scenery sucks, but perhaps that just makes the sunsets and the rainbows even that much more spectacular!
And the only excuse to eat crap and sit on your ass is a conscious decision to do so. Nothing wrong with it, but realize that YOU control that, not the circumstances around your life. You are rockin’ this thing, lady!