When I started this weight-loss effort a little over two months ago, I was not bursting with confidence. I felt nervous, cautious, and uncertain. I wasn’t radiating optimism or certain of anything at all. All I had was that tiny, perilously flickering glow of hope, that seed of “maybe” planted inside me. It felt like a strong breeze could have blown that light out.
Somehow that didn’t happen. Instead the days linked together, one after another. Now I have a necklace of 60 or so days in which I have deliberately worked to reach a healthier weight.
Still, I can’t emphasize enough: I did not have some huge epiphany or experience anything that felt like an earth-shattering change of mentality. I just decided to give this whole thing a shot one more time, do things maybe a little differently to address my personal concerns. I had to confront the fact that I was not going to do this “perfectly.” I would eat things that weren’t the healthiest at times, and I would eat more calories than my previous diet plans allotted me. Giving up on being perfect right off the bat was hard for me in some ways (after all, my dysfunctional unofficial motto might be: “Go perfect or go home!”). But in the end it was an important part of what I needed to do in order to get past my inertia and start actively working toward weight loss.
I’m still not certain of where all of this will end up, but the progress I’ve made during the last nine weeks urges me to keep on keeping on. The glow is still there, and many days it is still tiny. But it turns out that’s enough for now.
16. November 2009 at 8:36 PM
This is a great post! I need to find my own tiny glow! You are doing such an amazing job and I’m still crippled by my own self doubt and issues. Your point about letting go of perfection is exactly what I need to do, but I haven’t been able to do it yet. I don’t know why!
17. November 2009 at 3:02 PM
Janie: I know you can do this, and you will do it in your own time. Don’t beat yourself up, but do begin when you’re ready. The changes don’t have to be drastic, remember ;). In the meantime, you are still an awesome person and I’m so glad to have you around here!
16. November 2009 at 8:51 PM
Woohoo! I was the poster child for “go perfect or go home” and figuring out that I wasn’t a failure if I had a bad day or skipped a workout or just didn’t feel so into it was the best thing ever. I still battle with the feeling of being a failure for not being able to take off more weight, but I have to look at it that I’ve maintained a 100+ lb loss for over a year. Can’t complain too much about that.
17. November 2009 at 3:05 PM
Quix: You are a mega-success in my book (and no, I’m not just saying that to be nice). All of your weight-loss—not to mention fitness—achievements are truly phenomenal! Sometimes I get tired just *reading* about how much you bust your own butt to improve yourself ;).
17. November 2009 at 1:20 AM
I often think that efforts that start small and easy are the ones that stick easier. Not that someone all fired up won’t have success of course, but I’ve seen people like yourself succeed many, many times!
I’m so happy for you! Congratulations.
17. November 2009 at 3:06 PM
Thanks, Diane :). I think maybe I’m a little superstitious (for lack of a better word) about my weight-loss this time around . . . like if I make too big a deal of it, it will just vanish into thin air or something.
20. November 2009 at 2:45 PM
What I’ve learned in my 2-1/2 year journey is: My candle will not always be lit, but as long as I surround myself with people whose candles ARE, I can reach over and borrow some of theirs to relight mine. Likewise, when my candle is burning brightly, I’m happy to share it with others, either by lighting the way for them, or letting them light THEIR candles off mine. The amazing thing is, when I share my light, the flame isn’t diminished; it’s strengthened by the new, stronger glow of others. Deep, huh?
20. November 2009 at 3:24 PM
Cari: I love this! I would be interested in reading more about how you surround yourself with other candle-holders :).