Today I came across some notes I jotted down during the first week of my weight-loss effort, and I wanted to share some thoughts I had on Day One (September 15, 2009) here:
I really believe that I will do this. I have to do this. Being 80 lbs overweight might not put me squarely in the life-or-death category of obesity, but it makes life . . . well, uncomfortable, a lot of the time. My lower back hurts from doing the smallest amount of housework. I’ve noticed that airplane seats seem to have shrunk . . . . erm. Right? Same goes for public transportation seats. I’m sick of the focus of my life being on eating. I’m tired of hiding behind that. Maybe this really is life-or-death in a way, because my life has felt so diminished as I have sat here covered by layers of excess fat. My confidence, my energy levels, my willingness to meet new people . . . all of it diminished. I’m afraid to shoot for the stars. Instead I have another candy bar and try not to think about it.
But not anymore.
Now here I am, about four and a half months later. I’ve lost 34 lbs and experienced some significant improvements to the quality of my life: I no longer have horrible acid reflux every night; my back doesn’t ache when I take the Bean for a walk; I’m wasting a lot less money (on all that candy and delivery food I used to eat); and I’m fitting into the upper end of “normal” clothing store sizes again.
At the same time, January has been a frustrating month in some ways; most notably because I only lost 3 lbs despite the fact that I stuck to my plan and still have quite a ways to go before I hit my goal weight in the 120s. Last week I actually gained a pound and it threw me into a tailspin of self-doubt.
I can’t completely write off this past month, though. Today was the final day of the SparkPeople online boot camp—I stuck with it and did the online mini-workouts every single day. I’m getting better and better at not giving up. That’s what they call a “transferable skill”! I don’t know that I made tremendous gains in strength this month, but the SP boot camp had a ripple effect, in that it got me thinking more seriously about ways to ramp up my strength training and fitness levels.
Today I attended a free CrossFit Central Relentless Boot Camp class down by Town Lake, and I’m 99% sure I wouldn’t have been out there in the cold this morning with my two co-workers and a bunch of strangers busting their butts if it weren’t for the baby steps I took throughout January. Now that my SparkPeople challenge has wrapped up, it’s time to commit to a new routine for at least the next month; I’ve decided to give CrossFit boot camp an honest, committed effort. I’d like to attend either two or three nights per week; I’ll be checking out the boot-camp class my co-workers attend this Monday evening.
My food plan is the area where I find that I’m still mentally balking at making serious improvements. I just have to remember that although it was really tough in the beginning of this for me to rein in my calorie intake, now it’s second nature; eventually, the same will be true for eating quality, nutritious foods. I’m also hoping my future boot-camp coach can give me some guidance in this area.
30. January 2010 at 6:39 PM
I have really enjoyed watching your journey so far. It reminds me a lot of my own!
I remember when I used to have acid reflux that woke me up in the middle of the night and that lower back pain, ahhh. So glad those two things are out of your way now too :)
Keep up the good work! Keeping a positive attitude will take you a long way too.
31. January 2010 at 11:28 AM
Thanks, Sarah! I’m glad to have you along for the ride. Yes, I’m so glad I’m not waking up in the night getting sick anymore—a major benefit of this journey :).
30. January 2010 at 8:58 PM
I just read your ‘notes’ to my boyfriend and then showed him your before and after pictures and his comment was ‘Wow, good for her, can you do anything to help her keep her focus’?. I sat and thought about that for awhile and I think we can, all of us, for each other, can help each other keep focus and that letter of yours, that honesty that pinpoints some of the feelings that we’ve all felt, well that helps maintain the focus and for that I am grateful.
Maybe January wasn’t a big loss month for you, don’t forget it is the runner up month to the holidays, but you’re on the right track for health and it will come off.
Here’s to a successful February, for all of us!
31. January 2010 at 11:30 AM
Shanny: Your email the other day helped me immensely in coming back down to earth from my panicky initial response to the weight gain—seriously! Thank you again for that! You’re right that we can all help each other keep our focus and make February a successful, healthy month.
31. January 2010 at 3:17 AM
You’re doing so well!
I’ve struggled a lot with my eating habits. Exercise is the ‘easy’ part for me. Not that my workouts are exactly easy, but I love going to the gym. Food is another story entirely I never thought changing how I eat would be so difficult! You’re definitely not alone there. Hopefully your boot camp coach will have some good ideas for you.
31. January 2010 at 11:32 AM
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Aimee. You sound pretty similar to me—doing pretty well with regular exercise but getting mentally suck when it comes to making over the eating patterns. But I know we can both do this! If I get any good tips on the eating stuff, I’ll definitely be sharing them with you guys ;).
31. January 2010 at 5:53 AM
Hilary,
I didn’t get your posts for a few days and spend a fair amount of time worrying that your one-pound gain had derailed you. I’m so glad that it hasn’t. Your creative thinking and shifts continue to inspire me.
Re: your earlier blog about the expense of a trainer. Someone suggested barter. I was thinking of a way that might work (has for me in a different form). You are an extraordinarily talented writer. Everyone has something that they want written — a resume, their personal story, hard letters to friends or family who have been lost for various reasons–all manner of things.
You might think of bartering personal training for writing whatever that person wants written. A trainer can help you reach your goals; you can help a trainer reach hers. You might also think about doing similar things for other people–for money to pay a trainer.
Your beautiful writing skill could be used to get you things beyond the pleasure and help you give others in your blog. It’s worth cold, hard cash. With your creative mind, you can think of ways. Also, such efforts would provide material for your resume for when you are ready to move on professionally.
A random thought–Toastmaster’s is a nationwide organization whose members work (sucessfully) to overcome their fear of public speaking). In addition to being afraid of public speaking, they often don’t know how to write what they want to say. Just a thought for a starting point.
Keep inspiring us.
Shanna
31. January 2010 at 11:34 AM
Wow, thank you for that idea, Shanna! Maybe this blog can act as a “portfolio” of sorts for me as I keep at it. I love writing and would love to help others reach goals that they may be blocked from because they don’t enjoy messing with words as much :). Thank you for the creative suggestion!
31. January 2010 at 9:14 AM
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and watching your journey too! I think you’ve come such a long way. Just look at your before and during photos – it’s amazing and inspiring to me.
I’m glad you’re not giving up. Reading about your journey has inspired me more than you know.
31. January 2010 at 11:35 AM
AFG: Thanks :). You know, at this point it just feels “too late” to give up . . . I’ve made it through too many tough nights and challenging days already to go back to the way things were before. I just won’t do that. The trick is just to figure out the most productive yet realistic way to move forward and keep on trucking!
31. January 2010 at 10:46 AM
It’s always good to look back to see how far we’ve come. I think I need to do this as well sometime soon.
Hey, you’re still committed to this 4 and a half months later and that says a lot in my book. Always persevere my friend!
31. January 2010 at 11:38 AM
Josie: I definitely recommend an occasional “look back” for all of us on this journey. It’s easy to take some of the positive changes for granted, otherwise. I would definitely enjoy a post from you on what has changed for you since you began your weight-loss effort!