Yesterday was a bad day. It just was. And for the first time in almost 5 months, I went “off-plan” with my eating and ordered and ate 2/3 of a big Mexican dinner. I wanted to eat the whole thing; guess I’m not as chompy as I used to be.
Today I’ve been eating normally again; well, my new-normal, with the calorie budget. I am just feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and little electrical wires are crossed in my brain or something. It will pass. But it’s hard sometimes.
I think that setting a formal Challenge for myself may have triggered some of my stressed-out feelings. Also: giving up diet soda after an almost-two-decades-long love affair has been rough. I haven’t cracked, but I just feel rotten this week and I guess my body is going through withdrawal.
Today I totally cried at boot camp. WAH. I get really flustered whenever we have to do something more complex than squats, push-ups, sit-ups, etc. If the exercise involves coordinating multiple movements, I just am lost. Today that fact was very pronounced and I felt on-the-spot and embarrassed at my lack of coordination. Before I knew it, I had burst into tears. Coach talked me through the steps for the umpteenth time and I pulled myself together, but my nerves were just raw tonight. Ugh.
I’ll keep trucking, but I’m rethinking this whole challenge thing. Sometimes life comes up with it’s own little challenge for us, no assistance needed. That being said, this isn’t an excuse to run back to the sweet toxic embrace of Diet Dr Smack; I’m still firm on my new no-soda stance.
11. February 2010 at 9:46 PM
It’s strange the way we tend to think that all these challenges are merely changing our bodies, when in fact they’re also doing some serious work changing our minds.
I don’t blame you for crying. Good for you! Some books I’ve read about detoxing say that crying is releasing pent-up energy that’s been stored/frustrated in the body and can only be freed up when you cry.
I don’t know how you would verify that in a lab experiment, but I surely can testify that sometimes after crying you feel as if you’ve released something that you’ve been holding back for a long time.
Regardless of what the experts say, I think you’re entitled to eat, and to cry, and to have a bad day. I am confident that you will pick yourself up and go again tomorrow. The eat-right-and-exercise habits are too deeply ingrained for you to give up now.
12. February 2010 at 4:23 PM
The Merry: What you say here about “changing our minds” is really powerful! It has totally felt like my mind is blown, lately, so that makes sense to me. Thanks for having confidence in me and for sharing your perspective.
11. February 2010 at 10:09 PM
Sometimes when I get too strict with myself I get really rebellious and I just want to eat everything in sight! Maybe the formal challenge and the giving up soda is just too many things at once? I hope you feel better soon! :)
12. February 2010 at 4:24 PM
Carla: Thanks for the kind words :). I am already feeling quite a bit better. The giving-up-soda thing has definitely challenged me more than I initially expected. I knew it would be tough, but somehow still wasn’t prepared. I am trying to figure out some kind of balance between challenging myself and melting down ;).
12. February 2010 at 7:54 AM
I feel your emotional frustration. Don’t forget to allow yourself to enjoy the things you enjoy! I’ve learned in the past that when I restrict myself from something that I really enjoy, I end up eating everything under the sun just because I can’t have that one thing that I like. The diet soda isn’t that bad, but I know it’s something you want to do without. I have reduced my consumption of it also. I consider having a diet soda as a treat and have one every few days or sometimes one per day.
I feel your frustration, we have all been there. We are all different and want certain things in our lives. I’ve come to the conclusion in my life that I’m not going to be perfect and I don’t want to be. I don’t beat myself up like I used to, life is too short. Don’t forget to enjoy it!
12. February 2010 at 4:25 PM
Thank you, Tina! I can always use a reminder to enjoy life and accept myself :). I hope you have a great weekend!
12. February 2010 at 10:23 AM
Maybe the elimination of the Diet Dr. is quite enough challenge for you just now. Maybe you just stick with the original plan that was working well and add in this one thing (I’d say ‘small thing’ but it’s not, it’s a big deal). Consider it like quitting smoking, maybe. You probably wouldn’t try to quit smoking, train for a marathon and start a new job all in the same week. Give yourself a chance to succeed.
Also? The beautiful part of being an adult and making a plan is that you are completely in charge of modifying that plan. Don’t kill it altogether, just make it work for you.
12. February 2010 at 4:27 PM
Shanny: I always appreciate your opinion on this stuff, so thanks for this. Yeah, giving up my diet sodas has been a bigger challenge than I anticipated somehow. I am sticking with it because it’s important to me, but I think I am going to relax any other deadlines I’d been imposing on myself for changing all of my other not-so-great nutritional vices.
12. February 2010 at 10:23 AM
Hugs for you Hilary. I’m sorry you had such a bad day. We all go through this and I’m sure you’ll come through it okay.
I also struggle with the multi-instructional steps during workouts. It’s like my brain can’t process more than 2 instructions/steps at a time when I’m thinking about how the first step should actually go. I hope today is better for you! :)
12. February 2010 at 4:28 PM
Hey girl! Thanks for the empathetic words. I am just really uncoordinated and it makes me feel like kind of an idiot doing sports-type stuff. Boot camp is a huge personal challenge for me on a lot of levels, including the coordination/looking dumb one. It sounds like you really get where I’m coming from on this stuff! It’s like my brain just doesn’t operate in such a way that I can immediately pick up new movement combinations. Grrrr…
12. February 2010 at 10:59 AM
i’m so impressed that you are sticking with everything even though you feel crappy. it reminds me of your post about how you don’t need motivation to keep going, you keep going even when you don’t feel motivated. you are a rock star :)
12. February 2010 at 4:30 PM
Thanks, Liz! Your comment made me smile and I am going to keep on rocking over here :).
12. February 2010 at 11:34 AM
I think you’re well-acquainted with the fact that many of my Bootcamp and indoor CrossFit experiences have involved some tears. As a very wise, sweet friend told me, “That’s just bad memories leaving your body.”
And my favorite CrossFit tshirt says, “It’s ok to cry. Just don’t be a baby.”
Keep on keepin’ on, girl!
12. February 2010 at 4:36 PM
Melissa: I’m relieved I’m not the only cryer! I cry when I get really stressed out, which I guess I was last night. Yay for bad memories leaving my body ;).
12. February 2010 at 5:39 PM
Life is not worth living without the ability to eat a big cheesy plate of mexican food every once in a while. Or maybe that’s just me. :) As long as it’s one meal out of many other healthy ones, you’re solid. I hope you’re having a better day now!