Gold star for me—my attendance at boot camp this week was 100%! Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings I was up there on the top level of that parking garage soaking the concrete with my sweat. The view of downtown is pretty fantastic from up there; not that I choose my fitness endeavors based on aesthetics ;).
Sometimes (okay, 99% of the time) I feel like a fat kid at boot camp. I’m one of the Slow Ones, you know? My strength is just way behind that of most of the participants. Still, I walk out of each hour-long session with a strong sense of being a survivor . . . hey, at least I lived, right?
Boot camp reminds me how far I still have to go. I’m not discouraged; I’m just recognizing that having heart is what this process is all about. The losses on the scale occur more slowly as I move closer toward my goal, even though it’s still 40 lbs away. Persistence is key.
If I didn’t want to change something about who I am as a person, I wouldn’t do boot camp. I wouldn’t work on my nutrition. I would just stick to the elliptical or treadmill, continue eating diet junk food, and cut back my calories some. Eventually I probably would reach my goal weight. But I would still be the same, on the inside.
By doing some hard things (for me, at least), I’m hoping for a little bit more than that. Not just a number on the scale. Not just passing for thin again. I want to grow in courage and strength and health even as my measurements shrink. For my entire adult life, I have been unhappy with who and how I am. Some things need to change; others may simply need my acceptance.
It’s difficult to say exactly how eggs with spinach and chicken for breakfast and evenings spent running up and down stairwells and heaving medicine balls around may work together to make me better and happier. Maybe, in the end, they won’t. But after many years of wrong decisions, I can still recognize when there’s something right.
19. February 2010 at 7:22 PM
You are doing awesome!! You look and sound amazing!
much love, Jen
19. February 2010 at 7:48 PM
Hilary, this is a fantastic post! It sounds like you’re on a journey not just to lose weight but to discover all the strengths you have within yourself. I have to say that I only read a few blogs, and yours is one. I am a faithful reader and look forward to each posting. There’s a spark within you that was evident from the beginnings of your (previous) blogs. You’re a very smart woman, a talented writer and your drive to accomplish your goals is amazing. It takes real courage to do what you’re doing, I hope you see that if you can do this (and you are doing this), you can do anything!
20. February 2010 at 4:44 PM
I think Babbalou is right; there’s a spark in you that shows through your writing. I can relate to wanting to change things about yourself, but there’s a lot of good there too :)
I don’t think we’ll ever be completely satisfied with ourselves. It’s really cool that you’re working on enjoying the process of self-change!
22. February 2010 at 6:07 PM
You rock! I can definitely see a confidence emerging in your writing about yourself. So rock on, woman! :)