I’m going to keep walking most days of the week. It doesn’t stress me out, and it gets me moving. I’m going to try hard not to compare myself to the more athletic weight-loss bloggers on this front, and to just be as consistent as possible. April is for re-centering myself and feeling good about what I am able to do.

I am currently re-reading Kami’s book—just finished the chapter on Healthy Habit #1 (limiting your sugar intake and ditching artificial sweeteners). Her writing style really is enjoyably conversational—much easier going than some of my diet books, believe me! Plus even if I can’t completely follow her advice to the letter right away, it gives me useful suggestions for how to move in a healthier direction.

I received an email alert from SparkPeople yesterday featuring an awesome post by a member. Here’s a shortened excerpt, but I encourage you to read the full post (it’s the first message in this thread):

My car got stolen and out of necessity I started walking A LOT more, on errands within a couple miles and then some miles between bus routes to make the shortest trips. I was eating a lot more and feeling hungry a lot, so out of concern I finally bought a scale. (Until now I only weighed in at the doctor or Nutritionist appt or at the gym– but w/o car, I haven’t been able to access any of those for two months.)
Surprise, surprise, not only did I hit my goal, I went below it AND am now at the weight I was when I was 21 and really active. . . .

It’s TRUE. I went right past my goal and never noticed…was too busy trucking along those sidewalks and trails, munching my veggies and fruit snacks every few hours and having a grand old time knowing how lucky I was they took my car now, verses 1-2 years ago when I would have really been trapped and housebound. Now, NOTHING keeps me still . . . because I can walk everywhere!

What really inspired me about the post was the fact that something crappy happened to this woman (her car getting stolen), and she took that lemon and made lemonade out of it by becoming healthier and more active than ever before.

Have a wonderful Easter weekend, everyone!

Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining is hard. Choose your hard.

When I read that, I thought: This here is a not-so-pretty slice of truth. I still come back to that nugget of wisdom from time to time.

Many websites I enjoy are very empowering to read because the writers are cheerleaders for all of us. Unfortunately, I have never been much of a cheerleader. I do support people, and get excited for their successes, and want all of us to do well. But for some reason I also feel compelled to point out how hard losing weight can be. I haven’t reached maintenance yet, but I’m 100% sure that’s pretty tough too.

One thing I pointed out in an earlier post, The Cost of Weight Loss, was that being overweight costs us, too. Like Lyn says, we can choose our “hard,” but there’s really no way around that aspect of life.

I also believe there is redemption for us in the hard times. People are so beautiful to me when they are being brave and trying their hardest and persevering in the face of obstacles. It’s an amazing side of humanity that simply can’t shine on the “easy” days. Please know the next time you are going through something tough and doing your very best despite the circumstances, that I think you are freaking gorgeous, more so even than on the days when the sun is shining and everything is going your way and you are being recognized right and left for your achievements.

I posted a new progress photograph last night, and I’ve received some incredibly kind compliments on the changes I’ve made. That feels wonderful! At the same time, I have to acknowledge that for every progress photo you see here, there are about 60 non-progress-picture days where I am just plodding along, doing my thing. And it takes every single of of those days to make a progress picture.

You may be in between progress photos of your own right now, and I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that where you’re at is vital. You are making your progress photo happen. It’s in the works, and every day that you keep up your good work is another day closer to that unveiling.

Let me be frank with you guys: Money has been on my mind lately. Most of us who have ever gone on a diet know that weight loss costs money. Some of the costs are obvious:

• Gym membership, personal training fees, or cost to join an exercise class
• Pantry and fridge sweeps and replacement with healthy foods; possible special diet shakes and meals. Diet program membership costs.

But what about the less-obvious price tags attached to weight loss?

• New work clothes every 8 weeks or so, because you can’t show up to the office looking like a slob or with your pants falling off.
• Fitness gear like good walking/running shoes (very important!) and clothes to wear while working out; if you’re a former couch potato like I am, you didn’t have any lying around before you got started.
• Occasional misjudgment costs: As a health and fitness newbie, you may occasionally make a wrong choice. There was the  time I bought a huge butternut squash at the farmer’s market, attempted to make soup out of it, failed miserably, and had to throw the whole batch away. Once I signed up for an exercise class up front that I hated almost immediately, but couldn’t get my money back at that point.
• New kitchenware if, like me, you used to rely exclusively on pre-made foods  and are now branching out into the wonderful world of home-cooking.

So yes, my weight loss  has cost me. But my weight gain and obesity cost even more:

• I spent about $10 on sweets/soda every single day. May not sound like much, but it really adds up!
• More doctor’s visits.
• New clothes . . . as I continued to go up a size at least once a year. Plus size clothes, in case you don’t know, are often twice as expense as “normal”-sized clothing.
• Eating out or ordering delivery frequently cost me another $50 – 75 per week, I’d estimate.
• Heartburn medicine isn’t free! My old eating habits frequent caused me intense esophageal distress, and most nights I had to take something to alleviate the discomfort so that I could sleep.
• Friends. I realize this is not true for all obese people, but in my case I stopped wanting to appear in public/social situations, and just sort of fell off the radar. I am coming out of my shell again, but I’m the first to admit it takes time.

Money is something I have to manage very carefully, but in my current situation (losing weight, gaining health), I am willing to do that because the pay-off is worth it. I still can’t have everything I want, but I do get a few of my wish-list items now and then to keep myself happy. Boot camp is a substantial cost currently, but down the road I hope to be able to self-motivate myself to work  out intensely enough on my own and no longer be dependent on Coach barking orders ;). In the meantime, I’m learning a lot and losing weight quite nicely too.

How about you? What are/were your costs for being heavier? What does it cost you to lose weight?

For over a decade I’ve craved one absolute fool-proof eating and exercise plan to follow with all my heart and mind, and yet each time I have settled on an official plan, I found one aspect of it that gnawed away at my belief in its “rightness.” There is just so much conflicting information out there.

I once read somewhere that diets are like religions: tempers and loyalties burn hot when the subject comes up. I have yet to whole-heartedly join any religion for the long haul, and I suppose the same is true about my weight-loss plan.

Maybe this is meant to be. After all, I didn’t start succeeding until I gave up trusting any one plan to tell me how to lose weight. At the same time, I don’t think this strategy would necessarily work for everyone; we are all so incredibly different even as we pursue common goals.

Participating in CrossFit boot camp, I hear a lot about the Paleo diet. I’ve read and continue to read a good amount on the subject; and yet I cannot bring myself to commit myself to it fully. In recent days, I have read two well-written but differently positioned posts: one an anti-grain manifesto and one a fairly balanced critique of the Paleo plan. My mind feels uneasy.

In the end, I will probably always be doing my own version of any pre-established plan I find. The person in me who just wants things to be simple and tidy is eternally uncomfortable with this. Part of me (and I’m ashamed of this) just wants to be a good girl who does what she’s told and follows the rules and gets an A. But in the end, life is just as much about art as it is about science. We are barely organized chaos at best sometimes, and can’t be straitjacketed or shoehorned into a mold that doesn’t fit us.

So, I got on the scale the other day.  The last time I did so, I weighed a little over 160 lbs.  Hilary just reached 160, so she wanted to see if she’d passed me yet.  To our surprise, I weighed in at 144 lbs!  I lost about 15 pounds and I’m not really sure how.  But looking back, I can guess. . . . It probably started with the diet soda.

I used to drink a lot of regular soda.  Hilary used to drink a lot of diet soda. When she and I first moved in together, I tried some of hers and it was okay.  Since it’s easier to just buy one kind of soda at the store, I started drinking the same kind she did.  As time went by, she drank less of it and somehow, so did I. When she started on the Tiny Glow project, I wanted to be supportive.  I encouraged her as best I could, and I helped her think of solutions when the planning got difficult.

I started thinking about what people eat a lot more than I ever had before.  Food choices were heavily on her mind, so I made it part of my mind, too.  We had discussions about eating during the holidays, whole foods versus processed foods, and different approaches to diet in general.  We talked about protein, fiber, carbs, and the importance of plenty of water.

Somewhere in all that, I started eating differently.  We stopped eating out as often, since it was hard to figure the calories for her meals if we didn’t make it at home.  I stopped eating candy as often, since there wasn’t any in the house (and I didn’t want to buy any for myself and make her unhappy).  I started eating more healthy foods, since they were in the house.  I started increasing my protein and fiber, just because it was on my mind.  I started drinking water at work instead of soda.  I didn’t snack as often, because I didn’t want to eat in front of her if she was hungry but didn’t have calories to spare in her plan.

So I guess that I lost weight just because she was.  Being surrounded by healthier options caused me to choose them more often, mostly because it was easier than leaving the house to seek out an unhealthy option. Maybe you can improve your loved ones’ lives simply by improving your own. It appears to have worked on me!

Summer has been my nemesis ever since moving to Austin. It begins in May and lasts through October. It is unrelenting heat, sweaty skin, a constant dash between air-conditioned cars and buildings.

I’m a fair-skinned lass with Scottish heritage, so it’s not surprising that I burn easily and tend to wilt in the heat. But there was one aspect of my suffering that I had control over: The layers and layers of extra fat I was carrying around through all those sweltering, unforgiving months.

But let’s get back to that boot camp I’d signed up for last March. I remember chanting to myself, “Not another fat summer. Not another fat summer!” I did not want to go through the summer of 2009 like I had all the previous Austin summers: completely miserable.

A "Before" me in Illinois (July 2009)

Unfortunately, I quit the boot-camp contest after only one day and endured yet another Texas summer at over 200 lbs. The one spot of relief was a visit to my M’s hometown in Illinois, where the weather was a good 20 degrees cooler most days. I cringed at having my picture taken on that trip, because I was at my heaviest, feeling frumpy in rumpled khakis, yet not doing anything to change my situation yet.

This year things are a lot different. I’m heading into summer much lighter than last year—42 lbs down as of this week, actually! I’ll be needing a new bathing suit, and I plan on actually using it this year. I want to enjoy the good parts of summer in Austin—more trips to Barton Springs, more visits to local pools; less hiding indoors, less worrying over wearing sleeveless tops. I’m looking forward to sharing the summer with you. And finally, at last, it will not be another fat summer.

How do you feel about summer? Has your weight ever held you back during the hotter months?

Here are a few pictures, courtesy of CrossFit Central’s Relentless Bootcamp, of me at yesterday’s workout:

I’m still one of the slowest ones, believe me . . . but as long as I keep showing up, I feel pretty good about myself!

The first week of my personal challenge, the only change I made besides attending boot camp three times per week was giving up diet soda. That turned out to be a doozy! I did it and I’ve stuck to my soda moratorium, but I have to say I found the process very challenging, both psychologically and physically.

During Week 2, I transformed my breakfast into a meal that’s heavy on the protein and produce (well, for me!). I’ve been eating 2-egg omelets with some veggies and chicken breast inside, with a small serving of fruit on the side of the plate.

This week, I’m mostly planning to hold steady, nutritionwise: in other words, keep up with the changes to my breakfast and stick to my newfound soda-free ways. That being said, I have introduced two small new changes to my usual routine:

1. M and I are cooking my omelets in coconut oil rather than my usual stand-bys, margarine or olive oil. I’ve heard great things about the benefits of this type of fat, and my boot camp coach recommended it as well. So far, so good. There is a very mild coconut flavor associated with the oil, but it’s not bad; just different.
2. I’ve switched over from peanut butter to Sunbutter (made from sunflower seeds and only 3 other ingredients) in my pre-boot camp snacks. This evening will be my first time taste-testing the Sunbutter!

I haven’t measured myself, but I feel like I’m losing inches on my body . . . the Size 14 jeans I bought during the winter holidays are already annoyingly loose. I keep holding off on buying new ones because I know that they, too, will only be transitional jeans. I found an old pair of Size 10s in the closet that still feel a bit snug to me, although M thinks they look okay; I figure in another week or so, maybe they’ll fit perfectly!

Sometimes (okay, 99% of the time) I feel like a fat kid at boot camp. I’m one of the Slow Ones, you know? My strength is just way behind that of most of the participants. Still, I walk out of each hour-long session with a strong sense of being a survivor . . . hey, at least I lived, right?

Boot camp reminds me how far I still have to go. I’m not discouraged; I’m just recognizing that having heart is what this process is all about. The losses on the scale occur more slowly as I move closer toward my goal, even though it’s still 40 lbs away. Persistence is key.

If I didn’t want to change something about who I am as a person, I wouldn’t do boot camp. I wouldn’t work on my nutrition. I would just stick to the elliptical or treadmill, continue eating diet junk food, and cut back my calories some. Eventually I probably would reach my goal weight. But I would still be the same, on the inside.

By doing some hard things (for me, at least), I’m hoping for a little bit more than that. Not just a number on the scale. Not just passing for thin again. I want to grow in courage and strength and health even as my measurements shrink. For my entire adult life, I have been unhappy with who and how I am. Some things need to change; others may simply need my acceptance.

It’s difficult to say exactly how eggs with spinach and chicken for breakfast and evenings spent running up and down stairwells and heaving medicine balls around may work together to make me better and happier. Maybe, in the end, they won’t. But after many years of wrong decisions, I can still recognize when there’s something right.